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You are Not Just A Horse You are My Sanity Happiness Teacher Therapist Poster
With my father’s palpable love for his son coursing through my veins, I listened to Will Smith’s “Just the Two of Us” a couple dozen times and prepared to embark upon a daring feat of physical and mental complexity only attempted by fitness savants and late-night talk show host James Corden.
Henry: How’d ya do it, Spense? How’d ya solve the murder?Spenser: I’m sorry, Henry. That information is… (puts on sunglasses, hops into his new cherry red convertible, and repeatedly revs the engine) confidential.Spenser winks at the camera as if to say, “I’ll see you knuckleheads in Spenser Confidential 2.”
— The ending to Spenser Confidential (probably) You are Not Just A Horse You are My Sanity Happiness Teacher Therapist Poster
I’m an idiot. That was my first thought as my alarm went off at 2:30 a.M. Waking up, but more importantly staying up, at 2:30 a.M. Is a discombobulating mix of confusion and regret, kinda like running into an old teacher while going to see an R-rated movie. I reflexively hit snooze four times before tumbling outta bed and stumbling to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of ambition (Dolly Parton-style) at 3:10 a.M.
Mark’s diet has been discussed in a variety of places, but my plan was to implement a plant-based diet heavy on fruit, vegetables, Beyond Burgers (Wahlburgers doesn’t deliver to my area), protein shakes, oatmeal, sorrow, and a truly staggering amount of red peppers because they’re nutritious and I accidentally doubled my order on Instacart. In keeping with the time-honored tradition of plant-based diets, I shoehorned the fact that I was now “plant-based” into into every single conversation I had throughout the week. Nobody cared and I sincerely hated myself for doing it, but rallying against the inexorable nature of life is a futile endeavor.
In order to prove I wasn’t a pretty little (but soon to be jacked) liar, I documented my early-morning escapades on Instagram. Here I am looking very good and sounding like a sane, normal person.
Now, if you’ve been following the news, you might be familiar with the ongoing global pandemic that’s been covered in The New York Times, USA Today, and Gal Gadot’s Instagram page. The pandemic added an additional challenge: How do I stay motivated while working out in my tiny Astoria, New York, apartment, the place I’ve spent pretty much every single excruciating minute of my life over the past year? The answer? Music, baby!